Dyradre

I  found out you got married last month. I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but that night… I surrendered. I cried again, maybe for the last time. I spent the entire night questioning myself, questioning life. How could someone who felt like an angel be the reason my heart broke so deeply? While I was trying to become the best version of myself, I kept wondering… was I never enough? Or maybe the way I loved you was too quiet to earn your trust. And somehow, the hardest part wasn’t losing you.. it was accepting that the future I prayed for now belongs to someone else.

 They said April would haunt me every year. But this time, I made it unforgettable for all the right reasons.  I made sales, I made time with my friends, received tips from customers and incentive from company, received collaboration/sponsorhip with few big brands and learnt new cooking recipes .  I was wrong when I thought April is always gonna be a bad luck for me. Allah is the greatest planner. 

Last year was tough, but this year brought so many changes. I finally left KL and found myself a better job. I said goodbye to the house I rented for almost three years and chose a smaller city - slower days, softer nights, less hustle and noise.A place where I'm learning to breathe again, to grow differently, and to feel like myself.  For now, my only colleague is Nanie. Which is more than enough. It means no work drama and no toxic environment. As a bonus, we’re able to manage our own schedule.  I even got myself a cute ride to work . It’s a three-year commitment. I’m genuinely happy… except there isn’t much to do here. Nothing too exciting, nothing spontaneous. I have a boyfriend who takes me out every week. We go wherever we want, and sometimes we’re perfectly content staying home.  Most days now look the same: I go to work, come home, talk to him on the phone, then sleep. Not to mention, he loves horror movies. Sometimes we watch three different horror movies in a we...

It has been so long… too long for me not to say anything. The last thing you heard from me was, “I would never ever show you any kindness anymore. We couldn’t be friends.” But I’m grateful… for all the hurt that you caused me, for all the sleepless nights and the tears I shed on the couch in the living room. My room was a mess. Your portrait, the teddy bear soap, and all the stuff I kept to give to you were scattered on the floor. All the memories we had were banging in my head. I’ll always remember the day you forgot to fetch me, and I was starving the whole day on the first day of Raya. How you blamed me for not reminding you and said you couldn’t leave the house because of your guests. I wonder who the VIP really was… Then you came back with a photo of a ring on someone’s finger, asking for my help and suggestions. I hoped, I wished, that it was for your sister, but no… it wasn’t. You were engaged. I wonder if you ever feel sorry for what you have done to me. The memories...